Sometimes people say mean things. Perhaps they are frustrated with something else going on in their life. Or perhaps they really are trying to “push your buttons.” Either way your ability to remain calm and professional is going to be key to successfully maneuvering through this situation.
The first step is to ensure that the rest of the conversation is respectful, so starting off with “wow! I can tell you are upset. What can I do to help?” and then, just listen intently for the cause of the frustration or angry words. Also, while they are telling you their story, take a few deep breaths and try to remain focused on the situation.
At this point it’s important to maintain a positive attitude. Try repeating what you have been told by saying “if I’m understanding you correctly,the problem is this: [repeat it back and ensure you have it right]. Making sure you are addressing the right issue is critical now as failure to understand the person will only increase their frustration. If the person becomes more agitated, angry or reverts to foul or abusive language, it’s time to terminate the conversation by politely requesting they wait while you get a supervisor, manager or next level individual involved. It’s important that you pay attention to your breathing and keep a calm and soft tone of voice. Be aware of your body language as well, because even a gesture like crossing your arms or rolling your eyes can be considered disrespectful.
Once the situation is resolved or forwarded, take a few minutes to assess how you did. Seek feedback from co-workers if possible and understand that you did the best you could at that particular time. Success comes from understanding that many times we control a situation, and more than likely the issue is not personal.
Being “unflappable” in these situations will make you stronger and more resilient, at work and in your personal life.
Feel free to send me your examples and comments!
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